Fraternization
by Bassomatic
Summary: Hakuro calls Roy and Riza into his office for a little chat...about fraternization. Added a second chapter BECAUSE I AM WEAK. But after this, no more. And now I think it deserves its rating.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: If I owned FMA (which I don't) I would DANCE. **

**OK wow. This is a somewhat cracked-out little drabble a wrote a little while ago, about the fraternization rules. You have to use your imagination a bit; pretend that Furher Bradley has died (probably of alcohol poisoning) and that General Hakuro has become Furher. Promotions for everyone!**

**Hakuro is a closet Royai fan. I found him one day sitting in a Vons shopping cart. I took pity on him and brought him home with me. Little did I know he would forever be eating my cereal and using my computer to either download Royai hentai or write bad smut fanfiction (which he insists on reading to me at three in the morning). That hobag also ate all of my ice cream. **

**Please, PLEASE contact me if you would be willing to take him off my hands.

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"I'm sure you're wondering why I called you both here." Furher Hakuro said coolly, surveying his two subordinates. He had summoned both Lieutenant Colonel Riza Hawkeye and Brigadier General Roy Mustang. To his office to discuss a very serious matter. One that he could be silent about no longer. "I have received several complaints concerning you two and the subject of fraternization." Roy opened his mouth to say something, but Riza beat him to it.

"But sir, we haven't—" Hakuro slammed both of his hands on the desk, effectively silencing her.

"I _know_, and it's driving me _crazy_!" he said loudly. "All four of your subordinate officers have filed complaints! Whenever you two are in the same room, the sexual tension is simply _unbearable_!" Riza and Roy only gaped, wondering if the man was completely mental - which, thanks to their blasted insistence on following the rules, he probably was. He wiped the foam off of the corner of his mouth, and continued.

"It's getting ridiculous! Your refusal to fraternize is slowly but surely destroying military life as we know it!"

"But we've only been following the rules—" Roy protested.

"_SO STOP IT!_" Hakuro screeched suddenly, "It's tearing us all apart! There is only one way to solve this problem!"

"And what might that be, sir?"

"I order the two of you to start showing affection immediately!" the Furher said, "Now leave. Go have steamy office sex or something."

"But Furher—"

"You heard the man!" Roy said, standing up and pulling Riza along with him. He paused to salute the Furher, "Furher Hakuro, let me just say that you are a wise, kind, just ruler."

"This can't be legal—" Riza protested weakly as Roy seized her hand and tugged her out of the office.

"Now now, Lieutenant Colonel," he said cheerfully, "We have no choice but to follow orders!" The door closed, and Hakuro smiled. Now maybe he could finally get something _done_.

He immediately went to work on his Royai fanfiction.

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**Ja, the insanity. Crazy frothing man. Review, please!**

**If any of you are wondering why exactly this is rated T, that would be for the mention of steamy office sex. Overrated, I know, but better to be safe than shot full of holes. Eh, Roy?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: FMA is not mine. Heck, not even the story is mine – Hakuro wrote it, I swear.**

**Hakuro: No, my fanfics involve much more sex!**

**Michi: You dirty pervert. Anyhow, several people requested – or even demanded! – a sequel, so here it is. Yup, I caved. Those of you looking for actual hot steamy office sex smut may have to go elsewhere though, as I am simply too squeamish to write smut. So I leave that to you, O smut writers, whom I KNOW are lurking around somewhere, praying for desk sex. Anyway, here's another little drabblish oneshot thingus. Yayz.**

**Please to note that a good chunk of this was written after midnight and that I am chewing lotsa caffeinated gum to keep my brain functioning. So yes, EVERYONE IS OOC HAHAHAHAH!**

**Note: lines are off being some retards, so just note that the non-bolded stuff is the story bit. **

"Sir," Riza protested weakly as Roy dragged her out of Hakuro's office and into his own, brushing subordinates aside as he did so, "Do you think it's possible the Fürher might be . . .well, just a little crazy?"

"Nonsense," Roy said, releasing her and locking the door to his office securely. "He's quite a sane man, that Fürher." He removed his coat, and hung it on the coat rack. Riza turned to look out of the window at Fuery and Black Hayate playing on the lawn.

"Sir, he was _foaming_ at the _mouth_."

"With brilliance!" He hung his shirt on the coat rack as well, and went to work on his pants. Riza continued to stare out of the window pensively.

"The expression on his face reminded me of a squirrel Hayate dragged in once. Rabid squirrels aren't generally very brilliant creatures, are they? I say we alert some of the other higher-ups of his condition. It may well be contagious if he bites someone." Roy sighed, depositing his pants and boxers on the chair behind his desk.

"I'm sure it was only enthusiasm." He considered the desk for a moment, before pushing all the papers off of it in one smooth motion. The crash of several days' worth of paperwork hitting the floor caused Riza to turn and look, then abruptly look away.

"Sir?"

"Yes?"

"Why, exactly, are you naked?" Roy opened his mouth to suggest several very vulgar and inappropriate things, but at that moment the door was violently flung open and Fürher Hakuro crashed into the office, clutching several pieces of paper in his hands.

"Fürher!" Roy exclaimed in surprise, leaping behind the (now empty) desk. "That door was locked for a reason!" The Fürher only laughed madly and waved the paper in Roy's face.

"Finished! At last, finished!" Roy tentatively took the paper and scanned it. His eyes widened. The story was an _extremely_ graphic depiction of - well – of what Roy had been fervently hoping for for years. He remembered Riza, and looked up – but the Lieutenant Colonel had seized the opportunity to either type up her resignation or fetch her secret stash of sex toys. Roy hoped it was the latter. The Fürher cackled again and snatched the papers back. "AND NOW TO POST THIS ONLINE FOR THE WORLD TO READ!" And with that he left, in a flurry of smut and paper. Roy stood there, wondering what on earth Hakuro meant by 'online'. Then he put his clothes back on.

"What a strange man." He said, shaking his head. "I can't wait until I can have his job." He looked around his office, which was, by now, a mess. "I need some coffee." He muttered, and walked out of the office, heading to the staff room.

Moments later, Riza kicked the door open and stumbled into the room, carrying an extremely large box labeled 'Riza's sex toys – do not touch!' She dropped the box on the floor, and leaned against the desk, tired. That box was _heavy_.

"Ok, sir, I—sir?" She looked around, but unfortunately Roy was nowhere to be seen. Riza sighed. "Typical." She picked up the box and walked out of the office. Before she had left Hakuro had said something about a …smut story? She grinned, re-hid the box, and walked over to his office to request it.

_fin_

**A/N: See that? No more! Even if y'all beg! It's hard to think up junk to put in these stories...**

**Roy: I bet I could think of something...**

**Michi: Oh god. **

**Roy: Well, how about... **

**-fifteen minutes later-**

**Michi: ...with a _lampshade_ and some banana _pudding_? WTF?**

**Roy: Yup. **

**Riza: ...sir, this is just a _fanfiction_, you know...**

**Roy:...damn.**

**Michi:…..review please!**


End file.
